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--Crazy Old Tim Plays All the DMODs--
Directory
1998 | HTML version
1999 HTML version
2000 | HTML version
2001 | Article version
2002 | Article version
2003
2004
2005
2006
2007
2008-2009
2010
2011-2015
You probably thought I wouldn't keep going, but this is another edition of "Crazy Old Tim Plays the DMODs." I remain your host, Tim.
A new year, a new topic. Without pages, I figure this is the best way to keep scrolling from getting out of hand. The last few years will be lumped together in one topic because of the scarcity of releases. If scratcher would like to switch the sticky, that'd be cool.
1999 was the first full year in which the Dink community existed, and it was a time of great transition. An early version of the Dink Network became the place to be, some of the original people on the scene bowed out, and most notably, the game (v1.06) became freeware in October. This was close enough to the initial release that I was surprised when it happened, but I still felt like I'd gotten my $20 worth. The decision to go free is, of course, why Dink is still around today and why so many new people came to discover it. Returning to my graph of DMODs released by year, we can see that 1999 marked a bit of a tapering off, which is what happens pretty consistently to mod support for most games. In this case, however, RTSoft's decision to make the game free (for which I salute them) caused such an explosion of interest and activity that one could almost call it the true dawn of the Dink community. I'm really talking about 2000 at this point, though, so let's get back to 1999.
There were certainly some good DMODs released in 1999, but there was also a rise in the amount of very poor DMODs, which in 1998 was less prevalent and confined mostly to my "work." This would be even worse than it's going to be were I bothering to track down "lost" DMODs for this project, but I respect people's decision to take down their projects, having been there myself. There were 20 currently-uploaded DMODs released in 1999, but one of them (my own lousy mod "The End of the World," released 3/29/99) was covered in my previous post.
--Early 1999, in which a tough act to follow is followed poorly--
032: Bloop the Fish Author: Thomas "Instalite" Austin Release Date: January 22, 1999
So: Prophecy of the Ancients has forever changed the concept of what a DMOD can be. Over a month of stunned silence follows that enormous mic drop in terms of DMOD releases (at least as far as I'm keeping track). And then... and then... Bloop the Fish.
Poor Instalite! As I recall, the Dink community really let him have it. Although he made a very bad DMOD, unlike my bratty young self he was, as I recall, a nice enough kid. I felt kind of bad for him.
Bloop the Fish is the worst DMOD released by someone other than me so far. To its credit, it does replace nearly 100% of the non-HUD graphics; it's only the second DMOD (Yet again, I'm referring to Dinkanoid, which was ahead of its time in so many ways) to go that far. I'll admit that even looking at this is kind of funny, and on that strength alone it clears the "Dink Forever" bar of terribleness. It's also either the second or third "Alternative Hero" DMOD depending on whether you think Dinkanoid's paddle is a hero (The first, if you've forgotten, was "Legend of Smallwood" starring Martridge). As you can see from these screenshots, though, the new graphics are very poor - terrible in a way that isn't even charming.
There's no music, hardly any sound, and the map might be the worst I've ever seen in a DMOD. Invisible walls are the only kind of barriers here - I don't think there's an intentional hardbox in this entire dang DMOD. If you're lucky, you'll go left first and realize that you have to pick up three "worms" in order to get a bubble-shooting weapon from your twin fish, but you could just as easily go down and be completely screwed, as you start with no weapon at all. From the start, you go down through way too many identical screens full of what I guess are supposed to be sea urchins, which you don't have to fight. There are helpful arrows (literally, they're the arrows from Dink) telling you to go down, which is nice until you can't go down anymore even though that screen has the same arrow. You have to go right from there, and then up past some MORE boring identical screens. This isn't much fun.
At the end, you fight what you're told is a shark, but looks more like a transparent Milkbone with a little face. Based on the dragon script, it casts harm on you while bellowing, "My undertoe powers! Haha!" [sic]. Unless you didn't get the weapon, you will find defeating the "shark guy" (from the dmod.diz) to be very easy. Now you are King of the Sea! Bloop the Fish becomes the most feared gill-bearer these waters have ever known. Scores of pulchritudinous damselfish school around Bloop, fighting over the chance to spawn with the brave hero and savior of all the ocean. "Take Me to the River" plays as the credits roll, and Bloop wears coral shades as he rides a chariot made of shells and pulled by dolphins to Fish Paradise, where the worms are many and the hooks nonexistent. Jubilation abounds! I shed a single tear and swore off seafood for life.
Actually, the shark dies and not a single thing happens. An examination of one of the game's 14 scripts (two of which are completely identical) reveals that the message, "Congradulations. You win have finished the quest. Now play Bloop the Fish 2" is supposed to display. Yes, exactly like that - I pasted it right out of the script. The ending of this statement is on a separate line, so the script stops working there and the screen never even unlocks. Bizarrely enough, a Bloop the Fish 2 would actually see release in 2003 from an anonymous author. Hell, it could be Instalite himself. We'll never know.
Here is an actual memory that I have: Instalite returned to the community in 2000, around the time I released Zink and Crossroads. He planned a big comeback and claimed to have undergone a kind of evolution. He said - and I really can't forget this - something similar to "Just as Tim Maurer transformed into the smooth, DMOD-making Coconut Monkey, so Instalite has become Instalite King!" This is - and I am very sorry, Instalite, if you ever read this - so ducking funny. Not only does it give my later mods WAY too much credit, he also apparently thought a DMOD author could be upgraded like a creature from Heroes of Might and Magic II (Minotaur -> Minotaur King).
Geez, did I really write all of that about this thing? There's really nothing to it - you are missing nothing by not playing Bloop the Fish. Next.
033: The Slimes Author: Ethan Release Date: March 17, 1999
I am sitting on this lovely "as bad as or worse than Dink Forever award" and I haven't had anything to give it out to. This one looked promising when it started up, but alas, it ended up being slightly better than it initially looked. In fact, this isn't even as bad as "Bloop the Fish." I might never get to hand out that award.
So here's a DMOD that focuses on the lowly slime, probably the least noticed or cared about enemy from the original game (which is kind of funny considering it shares a name with the iconic Dragon Quest series baddie). I'll say this for it, though: People LOATHE it. It'd be difficult to prove it, but I'm certain I've seen over a dozen Dink players declare their undying hatred for the slime. Maybe it's that gross slurping sound they make. Maybe it's how fast they often go. My best guess is that it's pretty hard to tell where their hitbox is, and you walk over them without meaning to.
This DMOD is quite poor, but not only does it manage not to be an unholy wreck, it actually has the capcity to amuse a bit. What's wrong with it? The usual - Not much to do, some invisible walls, truly amazing tiling and hardness problems, enemies you needn't fight, gold you can't spend, spelling errors, restrictive map. Do I really need to run down this stuff every time? On the other hand, enemies and say_stop conversations work properly, at least. Minus points for Dink never reacting to punching things. This one also goes truly nuts with the powerups, as you can see from my stats. 8 magic and no spells!
The one thing about this DMOD that stuck out for me is that Dink is a complete jerk, and it is actually kind of amusing. Check out the amazing depths of his compassion. Our hero! Also, the slimes talk a bit ("I will crush, err, slurp the life out of you!") and the "evil visious goblin" boss is a total shrimp whom Dink mocks. That's kinda funny. When you beat the goblin, we initiate the already tired pattern in which Dink is told the game is over, he complains about it being too short, and the script never bothers to "kill_game();". I award this DMOD "Not Worst Place," but it isn't worth downloading either.
034: Mike Dingwell's First D-Mod Author: Go on, give it a guess Release Date: March 17, 1999
Well, that was probably the shortest "never" in the history of nevers.
Imagine a mighty fanfare sounding.
*****This DMOD, "Mike Dingwell's First D-Mod,"*****
********Has been awarded the prestigious*********
****DINK FOREVER MEMORIAL AWARD OF BADNESS*****
********On this day September 6, 2013********
Oh my, yes. It may have taken several months, but at last somebody released something as bad as the utter dreck I vomited up back in August of 1998. *Sniff* I'm so proud. This DMOD had a rating of 1.2 on TDN, but I submitted a review that brought it down to 0.9.
It is not a good sign when the author of the DMOD has not even mustered the creativity necessary to name it. It's an even worse sign when the included description reads thus:
"No plot
No Story
Mabye 85 exp.s in all
I don't know why you downloaded this"
I'm not even sure what that third line means, Mike - maybe that's how many experience points you can get from the screen full of pillbugs that contains the DMOD's only enemies? - but here's to you for at least having a more accurate-self assessment than I did when I released Dink Forever.
Mike's DMOD occupies it's own category. To me, it reads as a piece of surrealist art. Everything in it - the maps, the sprites, the dialogue - is complete nonsense. You step into a bookshelf and it warps you to another screen. Okay. I mean, how am I supposed to explain this to you? I can't. Hardness is almost an alien concept here - go ahead, walk all over the walls, see if this DMOD cares. I will spoil the mystery; it does not. This DMOD is indifferent to player input. Maybe it's here to make a statement that you don't matter, an antidote to the self-affirming nature of video games in general. I'm kidding, it's just an awful thing that had no effort put into it.
You can find some people but they don't say anything that establishes any kind of purpose. Invisible walls are the norm, and most screens are just empty grass (and boy, there's quite a few of them). Somewhere in the middle of the grassy abyss, you can stumble across this. Okay, so I guess there's combat. There is a hidden chest somewhere, but it doesn't work. You can't beat the end boss because there isn't one. Wow. You're free to disagree with me, but if I may be so bold, I think this is actually WORSE than Dink Forever, if only because it wastes more of your time. I've never played it before now - even in 1999 I thought better of downloading something with that title.
If you happen upon a certain screen, there's a rather catchy MIDI. I will end on that because it is the only positive thing I could possibly say.
035: Richard's Attack Author: Mahdi Rostamizadeh Release Date: March 23, 1999
REPUTATION NOTE: This DMOD is one of the incredibly select group to have a score of 1.0 or worse (0.6) on The Dink Network. I would like to stress my complete confidence that if my 1998 mods were on the site, they'd all be in this category.
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Do I really have to give out two in a row? I guess I can't let a truly great lack of achievement go unrewarded.
**********This DMOD, "Richard's Attack,"***********
********Has been awarded the prestigious*********
****DINK FOREVER MEMORIAL AWARD OF BADNESS*****
********On this day September 7, 2013********
Like me, when Mahdi was just twelve years old he released a DMOD that was scarcely a DMOD at all. This one is a lot bigger (57 screens) but this is in no way a good thing. Not much is on them. It isn't as bad as Dingwell's, but it's still quite bad, and you don't really know where you're going. As I recall, Dinkers at the time declared Mahdi "the new Tim Maurer" (actually, I would release The End of the World less than a week later) and this mod "as bad as the Dink Forever series." I felt a little bit bad for him at the time and may even have stuck up for him a bit, but honestly, this is as bad as it gets.
Really, where do I start with this one? How about with the worst title screen in the history of DMODs? I had thought that I firmly held this title with Dink Forever, but no, we've got a clear winner here. You can't even read it, and it says "Richrad's attack." The DMOD.diz says "Richard's Revenge," so I'm not sure in what way the title is "Richard's Attack."
This DMOD presents a very interesting challenge. Any fool can complete a game if they try hard enough, but only a master could beat a game where every element of the game's design conspires against you playing it properly. Truly, Dink's struggle against this DMOD's vast, untameable brokenness is a heroic one - enough that I would call him a tragic hero. The difference in difficulty is similar to the difference between setting up a row of dominoes and doing so during a hurricane.
This DMOD never checks a variable. I checked! It doesn't check a variable on any occasion. Someone who gives you a sword will keep giving you swords, people who give you magic will keep giving you magic, and so on. The worst effect of this is that two screens, including the one you start on, will freeze you for an exchange of dialogue every single time you enter them. At least the say_stop conversations mostly work correctly, but this is incredibly annoying.
The English on display here is definitely the worst in any DMOD, but Mahdi was 12 and I'm willing to bet English was not his first language, so we ought to forgive that. However, there isn't anything worth decoding either - the level of nonsense on display here is at or below that of my early mods. Tiling is the worst I've ever seen in a DMOD as well - it really looks like a train wreck. I'm not sure if the term "hardness errors" can be applied here, as I think the word "error" implies some kind of aberration, and working hardness is the aberration here. Walls are more of a whimsical suggestion than something you're in any way confined by. You can't enter the building in that screenshot, by the way. You can also walk straight through trees.
There was one thing I liked - you exit buildings by walking into tables, which silently explode. I can't articulate why, but this rules.
In the plot, Mahdi or Dink (an included text file without a file extension says it's Mahdi, but he's called both in-game) must rescue Anthony from the evil Richard, who is described as a powerful wizard. All anyone in this DMOD ever talks about is this Richard guy and how important it is that you stop him. Well, unless you do some major cleaning up, Richard does not exist. You'll never meet any "Richard," although I did encounter Anthony near a frictionless statue of a wizard, and he claimed that I saved him. Hey, I'll take the credit. The ending plugs a never-to-come DMOD called "Dink vs. Dink," in which Dink was to fight an evil clone, which sounds awfully familiar.
Oh, and on a completely unrelated note, this DMOD contains a boss of sorts. It's a giant dragon that is difficult to do any damage to even with over 50 attack. Beating him (it wasn't too hard) allows you to meet some unusually friendly goblins, who give you enough money to buy the flame bow from a statue of Dink, although this is now of no use to you at all. I found all this by escaping the inescapable endscreen - you can walk through a hardness error to the left and end up in another part of the DMOD. Since Richard isn't in this DMOD, I postulate he's the one who sabotaged poor Mahdi's well-intentioned efforts and made this DMOD so broken. I therefore nominate Richard for most evil boss in a DMOD.
***
Soon, very close to four months had passed without the release of a DMOD that was worth playing. It was around this time that the very first "Is Dink dead/dying?" discussions started to pop up. You might find this amusing now, and I can't blame you, but at the time this was a very real concern. The whole Dink thing might well have fizzled out, Prophecy of the Ancients its crowning achievement, had Dan Walma not put the whole dang thing on his back around this time, and how. Recall that I said he is credited with 16 DMODs. That's nuts, huh? That's on top of running The Dink Network, whose bills he still pays.
Actually, the feeling that the Dink scene is dead or in the process of dying has been a major component of its discussion for nearly all of its history. I was around to witness similar discussions in 2000 and 2001, saw at least one when I stopped by in 2006, and I bet they really got going in 2008 when less than 10 DMODs were released.
Next time: King Dan returns, and other developments.
Edit: Maaan, those "awards of badness" looked pretty cool in a fixed-width font. Oh well...
Directory
1998 | HTML version
1999 HTML version
2000 | HTML version
2001 | Article version
2002 | Article version
2003
2004
2005
2006
2007
2008-2009
2010
2011-2015
You probably thought I wouldn't keep going, but this is another edition of "Crazy Old Tim Plays the DMODs." I remain your host, Tim.
A new year, a new topic. Without pages, I figure this is the best way to keep scrolling from getting out of hand. The last few years will be lumped together in one topic because of the scarcity of releases. If scratcher would like to switch the sticky, that'd be cool.
1999 was the first full year in which the Dink community existed, and it was a time of great transition. An early version of the Dink Network became the place to be, some of the original people on the scene bowed out, and most notably, the game (v1.06) became freeware in October. This was close enough to the initial release that I was surprised when it happened, but I still felt like I'd gotten my $20 worth. The decision to go free is, of course, why Dink is still around today and why so many new people came to discover it. Returning to my graph of DMODs released by year, we can see that 1999 marked a bit of a tapering off, which is what happens pretty consistently to mod support for most games. In this case, however, RTSoft's decision to make the game free (for which I salute them) caused such an explosion of interest and activity that one could almost call it the true dawn of the Dink community. I'm really talking about 2000 at this point, though, so let's get back to 1999.
There were certainly some good DMODs released in 1999, but there was also a rise in the amount of very poor DMODs, which in 1998 was less prevalent and confined mostly to my "work." This would be even worse than it's going to be were I bothering to track down "lost" DMODs for this project, but I respect people's decision to take down their projects, having been there myself. There were 20 currently-uploaded DMODs released in 1999, but one of them (my own lousy mod "The End of the World," released 3/29/99) was covered in my previous post.
--Early 1999, in which a tough act to follow is followed poorly--
032: Bloop the Fish Author: Thomas "Instalite" Austin Release Date: January 22, 1999
So: Prophecy of the Ancients has forever changed the concept of what a DMOD can be. Over a month of stunned silence follows that enormous mic drop in terms of DMOD releases (at least as far as I'm keeping track). And then... and then... Bloop the Fish.
Poor Instalite! As I recall, the Dink community really let him have it. Although he made a very bad DMOD, unlike my bratty young self he was, as I recall, a nice enough kid. I felt kind of bad for him.
Bloop the Fish is the worst DMOD released by someone other than me so far. To its credit, it does replace nearly 100% of the non-HUD graphics; it's only the second DMOD (Yet again, I'm referring to Dinkanoid, which was ahead of its time in so many ways) to go that far. I'll admit that even looking at this is kind of funny, and on that strength alone it clears the "Dink Forever" bar of terribleness. It's also either the second or third "Alternative Hero" DMOD depending on whether you think Dinkanoid's paddle is a hero (The first, if you've forgotten, was "Legend of Smallwood" starring Martridge). As you can see from these screenshots, though, the new graphics are very poor - terrible in a way that isn't even charming.
There's no music, hardly any sound, and the map might be the worst I've ever seen in a DMOD. Invisible walls are the only kind of barriers here - I don't think there's an intentional hardbox in this entire dang DMOD. If you're lucky, you'll go left first and realize that you have to pick up three "worms" in order to get a bubble-shooting weapon from your twin fish, but you could just as easily go down and be completely screwed, as you start with no weapon at all. From the start, you go down through way too many identical screens full of what I guess are supposed to be sea urchins, which you don't have to fight. There are helpful arrows (literally, they're the arrows from Dink) telling you to go down, which is nice until you can't go down anymore even though that screen has the same arrow. You have to go right from there, and then up past some MORE boring identical screens. This isn't much fun.
At the end, you fight what you're told is a shark, but looks more like a transparent Milkbone with a little face. Based on the dragon script, it casts harm on you while bellowing, "My undertoe powers! Haha!" [sic]. Unless you didn't get the weapon, you will find defeating the "shark guy" (from the dmod.diz) to be very easy. Now you are King of the Sea! Bloop the Fish becomes the most feared gill-bearer these waters have ever known. Scores of pulchritudinous damselfish school around Bloop, fighting over the chance to spawn with the brave hero and savior of all the ocean. "Take Me to the River" plays as the credits roll, and Bloop wears coral shades as he rides a chariot made of shells and pulled by dolphins to Fish Paradise, where the worms are many and the hooks nonexistent. Jubilation abounds! I shed a single tear and swore off seafood for life.
Actually, the shark dies and not a single thing happens. An examination of one of the game's 14 scripts (two of which are completely identical) reveals that the message, "Congradulations. You win have finished the quest. Now play Bloop the Fish 2" is supposed to display. Yes, exactly like that - I pasted it right out of the script. The ending of this statement is on a separate line, so the script stops working there and the screen never even unlocks. Bizarrely enough, a Bloop the Fish 2 would actually see release in 2003 from an anonymous author. Hell, it could be Instalite himself. We'll never know.
Here is an actual memory that I have: Instalite returned to the community in 2000, around the time I released Zink and Crossroads. He planned a big comeback and claimed to have undergone a kind of evolution. He said - and I really can't forget this - something similar to "Just as Tim Maurer transformed into the smooth, DMOD-making Coconut Monkey, so Instalite has become Instalite King!" This is - and I am very sorry, Instalite, if you ever read this - so ducking funny. Not only does it give my later mods WAY too much credit, he also apparently thought a DMOD author could be upgraded like a creature from Heroes of Might and Magic II (Minotaur -> Minotaur King).
Geez, did I really write all of that about this thing? There's really nothing to it - you are missing nothing by not playing Bloop the Fish. Next.
033: The Slimes Author: Ethan Release Date: March 17, 1999
I am sitting on this lovely "as bad as or worse than Dink Forever award" and I haven't had anything to give it out to. This one looked promising when it started up, but alas, it ended up being slightly better than it initially looked. In fact, this isn't even as bad as "Bloop the Fish." I might never get to hand out that award.
So here's a DMOD that focuses on the lowly slime, probably the least noticed or cared about enemy from the original game (which is kind of funny considering it shares a name with the iconic Dragon Quest series baddie). I'll say this for it, though: People LOATHE it. It'd be difficult to prove it, but I'm certain I've seen over a dozen Dink players declare their undying hatred for the slime. Maybe it's that gross slurping sound they make. Maybe it's how fast they often go. My best guess is that it's pretty hard to tell where their hitbox is, and you walk over them without meaning to.
This DMOD is quite poor, but not only does it manage not to be an unholy wreck, it actually has the capcity to amuse a bit. What's wrong with it? The usual - Not much to do, some invisible walls, truly amazing tiling and hardness problems, enemies you needn't fight, gold you can't spend, spelling errors, restrictive map. Do I really need to run down this stuff every time? On the other hand, enemies and say_stop conversations work properly, at least. Minus points for Dink never reacting to punching things. This one also goes truly nuts with the powerups, as you can see from my stats. 8 magic and no spells!
The one thing about this DMOD that stuck out for me is that Dink is a complete jerk, and it is actually kind of amusing. Check out the amazing depths of his compassion. Our hero! Also, the slimes talk a bit ("I will crush, err, slurp the life out of you!") and the "evil visious goblin" boss is a total shrimp whom Dink mocks. That's kinda funny. When you beat the goblin, we initiate the already tired pattern in which Dink is told the game is over, he complains about it being too short, and the script never bothers to "kill_game();". I award this DMOD "Not Worst Place," but it isn't worth downloading either.
034: Mike Dingwell's First D-Mod Author: Go on, give it a guess Release Date: March 17, 1999
Well, that was probably the shortest "never" in the history of nevers.
Imagine a mighty fanfare sounding.
*****This DMOD, "Mike Dingwell's First D-Mod,"*****
********Has been awarded the prestigious*********
****DINK FOREVER MEMORIAL AWARD OF BADNESS*****
********On this day September 6, 2013********
Oh my, yes. It may have taken several months, but at last somebody released something as bad as the utter dreck I vomited up back in August of 1998. *Sniff* I'm so proud. This DMOD had a rating of 1.2 on TDN, but I submitted a review that brought it down to 0.9.
It is not a good sign when the author of the DMOD has not even mustered the creativity necessary to name it. It's an even worse sign when the included description reads thus:
"No plot
No Story
Mabye 85 exp.s in all
I don't know why you downloaded this"
I'm not even sure what that third line means, Mike - maybe that's how many experience points you can get from the screen full of pillbugs that contains the DMOD's only enemies? - but here's to you for at least having a more accurate-self assessment than I did when I released Dink Forever.
Mike's DMOD occupies it's own category. To me, it reads as a piece of surrealist art. Everything in it - the maps, the sprites, the dialogue - is complete nonsense. You step into a bookshelf and it warps you to another screen. Okay. I mean, how am I supposed to explain this to you? I can't. Hardness is almost an alien concept here - go ahead, walk all over the walls, see if this DMOD cares. I will spoil the mystery; it does not. This DMOD is indifferent to player input. Maybe it's here to make a statement that you don't matter, an antidote to the self-affirming nature of video games in general. I'm kidding, it's just an awful thing that had no effort put into it.
You can find some people but they don't say anything that establishes any kind of purpose. Invisible walls are the norm, and most screens are just empty grass (and boy, there's quite a few of them). Somewhere in the middle of the grassy abyss, you can stumble across this. Okay, so I guess there's combat. There is a hidden chest somewhere, but it doesn't work. You can't beat the end boss because there isn't one. Wow. You're free to disagree with me, but if I may be so bold, I think this is actually WORSE than Dink Forever, if only because it wastes more of your time. I've never played it before now - even in 1999 I thought better of downloading something with that title.
If you happen upon a certain screen, there's a rather catchy MIDI. I will end on that because it is the only positive thing I could possibly say.
035: Richard's Attack Author: Mahdi Rostamizadeh Release Date: March 23, 1999
REPUTATION NOTE: This DMOD is one of the incredibly select group to have a score of 1.0 or worse (0.6) on The Dink Network. I would like to stress my complete confidence that if my 1998 mods were on the site, they'd all be in this category.
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Do I really have to give out two in a row? I guess I can't let a truly great lack of achievement go unrewarded.
**********This DMOD, "Richard's Attack,"***********
********Has been awarded the prestigious*********
****DINK FOREVER MEMORIAL AWARD OF BADNESS*****
********On this day September 7, 2013********
Like me, when Mahdi was just twelve years old he released a DMOD that was scarcely a DMOD at all. This one is a lot bigger (57 screens) but this is in no way a good thing. Not much is on them. It isn't as bad as Dingwell's, but it's still quite bad, and you don't really know where you're going. As I recall, Dinkers at the time declared Mahdi "the new Tim Maurer" (actually, I would release The End of the World less than a week later) and this mod "as bad as the Dink Forever series." I felt a little bit bad for him at the time and may even have stuck up for him a bit, but honestly, this is as bad as it gets.
Really, where do I start with this one? How about with the worst title screen in the history of DMODs? I had thought that I firmly held this title with Dink Forever, but no, we've got a clear winner here. You can't even read it, and it says "Richrad's attack." The DMOD.diz says "Richard's Revenge," so I'm not sure in what way the title is "Richard's Attack."
This DMOD presents a very interesting challenge. Any fool can complete a game if they try hard enough, but only a master could beat a game where every element of the game's design conspires against you playing it properly. Truly, Dink's struggle against this DMOD's vast, untameable brokenness is a heroic one - enough that I would call him a tragic hero. The difference in difficulty is similar to the difference between setting up a row of dominoes and doing so during a hurricane.
This DMOD never checks a variable. I checked! It doesn't check a variable on any occasion. Someone who gives you a sword will keep giving you swords, people who give you magic will keep giving you magic, and so on. The worst effect of this is that two screens, including the one you start on, will freeze you for an exchange of dialogue every single time you enter them. At least the say_stop conversations mostly work correctly, but this is incredibly annoying.
The English on display here is definitely the worst in any DMOD, but Mahdi was 12 and I'm willing to bet English was not his first language, so we ought to forgive that. However, there isn't anything worth decoding either - the level of nonsense on display here is at or below that of my early mods. Tiling is the worst I've ever seen in a DMOD as well - it really looks like a train wreck. I'm not sure if the term "hardness errors" can be applied here, as I think the word "error" implies some kind of aberration, and working hardness is the aberration here. Walls are more of a whimsical suggestion than something you're in any way confined by. You can't enter the building in that screenshot, by the way. You can also walk straight through trees.
There was one thing I liked - you exit buildings by walking into tables, which silently explode. I can't articulate why, but this rules.
In the plot, Mahdi or Dink (an included text file without a file extension says it's Mahdi, but he's called both in-game) must rescue Anthony from the evil Richard, who is described as a powerful wizard. All anyone in this DMOD ever talks about is this Richard guy and how important it is that you stop him. Well, unless you do some major cleaning up, Richard does not exist. You'll never meet any "Richard," although I did encounter Anthony near a frictionless statue of a wizard, and he claimed that I saved him. Hey, I'll take the credit. The ending plugs a never-to-come DMOD called "Dink vs. Dink," in which Dink was to fight an evil clone, which sounds awfully familiar.
Oh, and on a completely unrelated note, this DMOD contains a boss of sorts. It's a giant dragon that is difficult to do any damage to even with over 50 attack. Beating him (it wasn't too hard) allows you to meet some unusually friendly goblins, who give you enough money to buy the flame bow from a statue of Dink, although this is now of no use to you at all. I found all this by escaping the inescapable endscreen - you can walk through a hardness error to the left and end up in another part of the DMOD. Since Richard isn't in this DMOD, I postulate he's the one who sabotaged poor Mahdi's well-intentioned efforts and made this DMOD so broken. I therefore nominate Richard for most evil boss in a DMOD.
***
Soon, very close to four months had passed without the release of a DMOD that was worth playing. It was around this time that the very first "Is Dink dead/dying?" discussions started to pop up. You might find this amusing now, and I can't blame you, but at the time this was a very real concern. The whole Dink thing might well have fizzled out, Prophecy of the Ancients its crowning achievement, had Dan Walma not put the whole dang thing on his back around this time, and how. Recall that I said he is credited with 16 DMODs. That's nuts, huh? That's on top of running The Dink Network, whose bills he still pays.
Actually, the feeling that the Dink scene is dead or in the process of dying has been a major component of its discussion for nearly all of its history. I was around to witness similar discussions in 2000 and 2001, saw at least one when I stopped by in 2006, and I bet they really got going in 2008 when less than 10 DMODs were released.
Next time: King Dan returns, and other developments.
Edit: Maaan, those "awards of badness" looked pretty cool in a fixed-width font. Oh well...
